Dave Ex Machina - A light ridiculous adventure about Dave!
Hi! I'm Dave and I keep getting summoned into alternate dimensions!
So who is our Dave? Well, he’s just Dave! But he has three knacks (can’t be fighting) that he is good at. I’ll say Dave is into building models, he likes to power-walk and he is a structural engineer. If any of those things come up in the adventure, Dave may get an advantage.
Dave can only bring with him what he has in his hands when he is summoned. I’ll say he had a can opener as the portal opens and pulls him in.
Now, what is Dave up against? Let’s do a good old-fashioned Dungeon Dive. So Dave needs to get to the end and get the treasure.
He’s also up against tricky terrain, wild creatures, and bad dudes, these are rolled randomly in the game. Sounds like a dungeon to me! Alright Dave, good luck in there!
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Hi! I’m Dave! You may know me from our local model-building club or power-walking group. Maybe I designed the bridge you drive across every day, who knows! When I’m not being a productive member of our society, I’m being summoned by wizards to do all sorts of tasks. Weird huh? Well, I stopped fighting it after the third or fourth time and now I just try to be as helpful as I can. I’m a nice guy.
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| My Employee of the month photo from 2022! My parents were so proud! Photo by TheRegisti on Unsplash |
So today I was just trying to open this tricky can of Tuna. The pull tab thing came off, can you imagine? So I had to get out my can opener. I didn’t know I still had one. The portal opened and I was pulled into another world.
“Who the hell are you?” this wizardly-looking guys ask. “This spell was supposed to summon a demon to help us navigate this place, not you!”
I say back to the wizard, “Hi! I’m Dave. Look I know you were expecting something more fierce with horns and scales and claws, but I’ll be happy to help out as best I can. So what we are we doing here? Looks like a cave, maybe a dungeon? Another dungeon crawl? Oh, dear.”
“You may call me Darkugh, the Wizard of the Frost. Yes, we are in a dungeon. We’ve sent several adventurers in but they have not come out. I was attempting to summon a demon to help, but you arrived.”
I laugh, these sorts of things always happen, “Don’t worry Darkugh. You are not the first wizard I’ve helped out. So point me in the right direction and I’ll get started. I only have until my McGivor episode finishes up.”
While Dave can’t die, he has only a set amount of time to help. If he fails, it will waste time. Success might give him more time. As this is a shorter 1-shot we will give Dave 10 units of time instead of 19.
“Alright, Mr. Wizard friend. Point me in the right direction and I’ll see what I can do.”
“OK. Dave.” The Wizard says suspiciously. “You’ll need to first climb the Cliffs of Doom! They are tricky and several adventurers have fallen to their deaths. Next, you’ll need to contend with the Beasts of Darkness who will happily eat your liver. Lastly, The Grim Knight waits to slay any who made it to the treasure.”
“Cool! Let’s get started. McGivor won’t last forever!”
The wizard points me in the direction of the Cliffs of Doom. They do look pretty scary but it’s a pretty dramatic name I reckon. I put on my Engineer hat to take on this challenge (not actually a hat you know, I just call it that when I use my Engineer skills). Let’s see what I can make out.
In this game you roll 3d6, then decide if you want that roll to be for me or against me. I get a total of 10 and I’ll take that for me and add +3 for using my Engineer skill. Now I roll 3D6, that will be against me. Got 9. So 13 for me and 9 against. I’ve succeeded by more than 3, so it’s a standard success! I still mark off one unit of time. I now have 9 units of time left. I better get moving.
Well, being a structural engineer I know a thing or two about a thing or two. Scary cliffs aren’t so bad if you can spot the easiest way up the top. The key is to not pull with your arms but step up where you can. It takes some time but I work my way up and up until I’m looking down at the wizard guy.
He shouts at me “By The True One God Ishbar himself! You’ve scaled the Cliffs of Doom. I mean no offense but you look like a scribe and not a great adventurer. Perhaps I miss judged you!”
I laugh, this happens all the time, “No worries wizard guy. My mom always says you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. Now I’m off to the next obstacle! I’ll be back soon!”
I delve deeper and deeper into the dungeon, or whatever this is. I’m not too worried. As I said, I can’t die so who cares!
I hear chittering and scratching. Oh boy, that only means one thing. Giant Spiders! I’m not a fan of spiders but my Pop always says, they are more afraid of you than you are of them! Well, maybe he hasn’t seen these spiders, about 3 feet tall (that’s a meter if you're overseas), and big ole fangs. Here we go!
My can opener is the only thing I think will be helpful. Thank golly it’s from the 1970s. It's big, heavy, and a bit rusty. I say come on you scratchy spiders. I’ll open you like a can of spaghetti-Os.
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| Gee golly they were big spiders! Photo by Vadim Bogulov on Unsplash |
Roll 3D6 and get 9. I’ll have that against me. My For roll is a huge 16+3 for using my can opener. Dave succeeds but marks off one unit of time. Down to 8.
I charged them with my can opener and slash and beat them. They were crunchy and once they figured out I couldn’t be hurt, they gave up and ran away. Too easy my furry 8-legged friends!
This dungeon isn’t so bad at all. It’s taking a while but I think I should be able to grab whatever treasure there is. The Grim Knight is next the wizard said. Sounds cool! Maybe I can get some cosplay tips from him when we are done.
I approach a tomb of sorts. A giant sarcophagus is in the middle and a lone figure is sitting on it. Must be the Grim Knight. Wow!
He stands up and speaks to me, “What type of demon have they sent to kill me? This one doesn’t even need to wear armor and doesn’t carry a weapon? Are you a joke, little demon? A trick? Or just a damn fool?”
“Woah, that’s a bit aggressive Mr. Grim Knight. I’m just here to help out. So if you could please hand me the treasure, I’ll get out of your hair. Oh, and how did you paint your armor? That looks like real blood.”
“That is real blood you damn fool! Now go back to whence you came devil!”
It comes at me with a huge sword, probably as long as I am tall. No good! Even if I can’t get hurt, being whacked by a sword is no fun.
Roll 3D6, 3 total. That will be against me for sure. Another 3D6 and I get 11! Mark off another time. Down to 7.
So the thing about big guys with swords is they don’t stop well. I easily step aside from his sword and he trips and falls. I hear a sickly crunch as its head hits the ground. Oh no! Is he dead? I’ll never find out any cosplay tricks now.
Well, a job well done is a job done, as my granddaddy used to say. I gather up the treasure chest and lug it back. As I descend from the Cliffs of Doom I can see the wizard’s shocked expression.
“Here you go Mr. Wizard. I’ll be heading back home now. Cheers is on soon. If you need me give me a call. Have a great Day!”
And I’m back home just as Cheers starts. Oh darn! I forgot my can opener in the dungeon!
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Well, that was a fun quick adventure! Good ole Dave. I hope he has many adventures and succeeds in all of them.
Be sure to check out Dave Ex Machina by Alfred Valley on Itch. https://alfredvalley.itch.io/dave-ex-machina
He also has a few other cool solo games like Lay On Hands (which I have and need to play!) https://alfredvalley.itch.io/lay-on-hands and a solo Mothership adventure called Thousand Empty Light. https://alfredvalley.itch.io/thousand-empty-light
Want to read more one-shots? Check them out here!
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